Reversible Quilt

The quilt on my bed is reversible.  One side is white with blue and green "eywa" blossoms on it.  The print looks like dandelions or jellyfish floating.  Like in the film Avatar.  The other side is a pastel teal with wide green, tan, and white stripes.  I changed linens today and put the stripe side up instead of the eywa side.  I guess Eywa should be capitalized as a proper noun in the movie.

I thought I preferred that side to stripes, but now I am just as happy with the stripes.  I like the way everything came together on a cheap budget.  I like being able to get two looks in one purchase.

My mother has a $500 bed spread.  Once she told me that, I didn't ask what the pillows cost or the drapes.  I sent her a picture of the girls at the DC about two weeks ago.  I had not spoken to her in 14 months.  I called her before sending the picture and her house phone was disconnected.  That surprised me to the point that I checked the online obituaries in her local newspaper.  She wasn't there.  I haven't heard from her.  I am okay with that.  Two days ago, Dear Abby advised someone to divorce his parents.

I am okay with that idea too.  I know, we are both sisters also.  I did my soul searching about "as far as it is possible, be peaceable with all men."  For years I did everything she wanted trying to please her and it never worked.  She made me quit school my senior year - me, the girl who lived for school.  I think sometimes that is how I ended up in college for so long when I finally returned to school.  I didn't plan it that way, but I never minded it either.  My brother graduated with a C average and our parents threw his entire graduating class of over 100 kids a BBQ party with Texas chocolate sheet cake for dessert, and about 50 pounds of my mother's potato salad.  They bought him an F150 Ford Lariat pick up, brand new.

I graduate with my Bachelor's degree cumma sum laude and got $50 and she took me and the girls to Golden Corral for a buffet.

And I'm wondering why she didn't call me when I sent her the picture of the girls.  You know that saying:  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  Two words I would say to her if she did call:  Towel Thrown.  I give up.

I am going to blog tomorrow earlier in the day.  At night I am tired and cranky and self-pitying.  I used to email Abel every day at this time.  I worry sometimes this is my substitute for that.  Back then, he always answered me, but it's been several months since he's shown up in my inbox.  Of course, I am rarely in his these days too.  When we reached our impasse, he just wanted everything to continue between us the way it was before, only for me not to hope it became something more.

I can't cook and write and invest that much energy, time, and pie in a brother with whom I am not entertaining something more.  It made me feel used.  I'm not good enough to marry, but please let me keep coming to your house for movies and dinner and good times.  I don't know any other sisters and brothers with that kind of friendship and even if it was appropriate, I simply am not willing.  Suppose I found another brother.  How would he feel about that much friendship between us?  I have my boundaries, and I have to abide by them.  I am saving lots of me for a husband, and I'm not going to distribute those parts to anyone lesser.

See, I'm all maudlin and tired.  I will shoot for the afternoon tomorrow.  Good night.